36 — The Feminine Mystique

December 1, 2008

109983743_4bf695b4e81From I.  My wife took a leave from work after our first child and ended up getting (unintentionally) pregnant again before her leave was up.  Oops.  Three years later she’s still a stay at home mom.  I work two jobs and come home dead tired every night.

Last night I dreamt we traded places.  I had to take care of the kids and clean the house with a pink vacuum and cook dinner wearing an apron and you know what?  It was the most relaxing fucking day of my life.

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1 — The McDonalds Pregnancy Test

November 19, 2008

From K.

Last night I dreamt I took a pregnancy test and found out I was dying. I peed on the stick in the bathroom stall at McDonalds. I could hear the kids playing in the playground outside while I waited. They were really loud. Instead of a plus or minus the test came back black– I called customer service on my cell phone and they said it meant I was dying. I got excited because I thought it meant everyone would pay attention to me. But I called all my friends and no one even felt sorry for me. They all told me to stop being so self-centered and that they were really dissapointed. I called everyone in my phone. I dropped my phone down the toilet and left the bathroom. I went and laid down in the ball pit in the playground and sank. I was really comfortable and I didn’t want to wake up.