26 – Special Education

From Z.  

This dream is hard for me to admit… I teach teenagers with special needs and lately I’ve been having dreams about having sex with my students.  Really, they’re more like nightmares.  At least once a week I’ll have one.  Sometimes it’s consensual and sometimes I’m being held down against my will.  One I really remember was one of the bigger kids in the class holding me down and calling me a “dumbass” or a “retard.”  This kid is kind of the class bully and he’s always out of line, calling other kids names and getting physical with them.  I know I’m supposed to be impartial but I really don’t like this kid.  I’ve had a few dreams about him.  Sometimes I get away from him and sometimes I don’t.  Most of the dreams take place in the classroom or somewhere else in the school (behind the bleachers, out back at the dumpster, in my car, etc.) 

I don’t know why I’m having these dreams.  I got into working with these kids because I wanted to make a difference– I don’t feel attracted to them at all.  I really care about them, but I guess I must be a little scared of them too.  I keep having these dreams and obviously I can’t tell anyone about them.  I worry that this means I belong in a different line of work.

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